One of the toughest parts of navigating healthcare can be dealing with doctors who get a little… prickly when you stand up for yourself. We’ve all been there—you go in with a list of questions, you ask for clarification, maybe you challenge a diagnosis that doesn’t sit right, and suddenly the temperature in the room drops about 10 degrees. It’s like you’ve committed some grave sin by daring to advocate for your own health.

But here’s the deal: it’s your body, and you have every right to get the answers you need. So, let’s break down how to handle these situations without losing your cool (or your dignity).

Step 1: Remember, You Deserve Respect

First things first—advocating for yourself isn’t just a right; it’s a requirement. Healthcare is complicated, and sometimes doctors, despite all their training, make mistakes or overlook things. You’re not being “difficult” or “disruptive” by asking questions or challenging assumptions. You’re taking charge of your health, and that’s a good thing. So, before you even walk into that office, remind yourself that you’re there to make sure you get the best care possible. Respect is non-negotiable.

Step 2: Stay Calm, Firm, and Direct

When you’re in the thick of it, and you start noticing that frosty attitude creeping in, take a deep breath. It’s tempting to get defensive or feel like you need to over-explain yourself, but try to resist that urge. Keep your tone calm, your words firm, and get straight to the point. For instance, instead of saying, “I just feel like maybe this isn’t the right diagnosis…” try something like, “I’d like more information on why this diagnosis fits, given my symptoms.” You’re showing that you’re serious without backing down or giving them an excuse to dismiss you.

Step 3: Set Boundaries if Needed

Sometimes, a little boundary-setting is in order. If a doctor’s hostility starts crossing a line, you don’t have to just sit there and take it. Politely but clearly say something like, “I feel like I’m not being heard, and I need you to listen to my concerns.” That one sentence can sometimes shake them out of their defensiveness. If it doesn’t, and the attitude continues, don’t be afraid to call it out (again, calmly). Something like, “This kind of response is making it hard for me to feel comfortable, and I need your support here.” You’re drawing a line and reminding them that their behavior is affecting your care.

Step 4: Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away

This one’s big. If you find yourself facing hostility over and over, it might be time to consider other options. No one should feel trapped in a healthcare relationship that’s not working for them. A good doctor respects and values your input, even if you ask a lot of questions. If that respect isn’t there, start looking around. Find a provider who will actually listen and work with you. There’s no award for sticking it out with someone who’s not giving you the care you deserve.

Step 5: Document Everything

Here’s a pro tip: start keeping records. Every conversation, every appointment, every dismissive comment. Note the date, who was present, and any specific language that made you feel uncomfortable or unheard. If things escalate, this documentation could be useful if you need to file a complaint or explain why you’re switching providers. Plus, having everything written down can give you a sense of control and validate your experience. You’re not imagining things—these interactions are real, and you have every right to be frustrated by them.

A Few Final Thoughts

Dealing with hostile doctors isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s exhausting. You’re already dealing with health issues, and adding a frosty attitude to the mix can make everything feel worse. But remember this: you have the power to advocate for yourself. You don’t have to put up with dismissiveness, condescension, or hostility just because someone has an MD after their name. You deserve better, plain and simple.

Advocating for yourself in healthcare can feel like an uphill battle, but every step you take toward getting the care you deserve is a win. So stay strong, stay calm, and don’t let anyone—not even a hostile doctor—make you feel guilty for wanting the best for yourself.